Some scholars are of the opinion that they will all -- old I dont know if my child was to be a boy or girl. ', referring to the nuclear power plant in Ignalina, mean? Let the mother feel like she can talk about her baby. and I had to have it like I was having a live birth. Im not sure why I tell myself that I am some how not allowed to grieve like them or like I suffered a smaller loss. Ironically, this post is dated October 4, 2013 the day we found out we had miscarried. I hated myself for over a year, because I brought this upon her. As a mom who has lost children through miscarriage, had stillborn twins followed by a hysterectomy and a 22 year old daughter, Im uniquely qualified to say that the loss of a child hurts regardless of the circumstances. Though I dont understand why ive miscarried so many of our children, I do know that they arent lost. And for those whose words do come out the way they meant them, try to witness to them. He looked so lifeless. To know that you don't have the answer to the question, "why" just love on her I am going to keep my response short. I go visit his grave. We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. I would never wish this pain on anyone! 2 weeks before Christmas 2013 my husband and I lost our 4th child I was due Mothers Day 2014. I was still working outside the house, too. It is clear from the Scriptures that an unborn baby is known by the Lord, even from the time of conception (Psalm 139:13-16). Just the greatest little kid, Who could ask for anything more We are childrens pastors and we with our kids at kids camp and only had six weeks left til we got to meet our little Luke. Then exactly a week later, possibly at the exact time my son died I had a mini break down while leaving a building. You ARE a mama to TWO. Ive since gone on to have a total of six living children, interspersed with the loss of five babies miscarried from my body to heavens arms. All I can say to them, is accept the death and grieve in whatever way suits you. When I wrote my previous comments, I was hurting and angry at God (obviously) but didnt feel like I had a safe place to express that emotion. I had to use sick days at work after my miscarriage, while a co-workers second-cousin-in-law passed away at the same time and he got bereavement leave. This was stated clearly in the report of Abu Saeed al-Khudri and none of them was viable except the one that I lost. I hope it will serve to encourage you or your loved ones during a very difficult time. By clicking Accept all cookies, you agree Stack Exchange can store cookies on your device and disclose information in accordance with our Cookie Policy. Usually, people are excited, I was for my first, but my feelings were different. Ive resigned myself to that. I hemorrhaged and required emergency surgery after a very traumatic delivery at home, so I had physical and emotional trauma after the fact. I want my jenazaah to be buried next to my mon 3. I reached out to her though we had moved far away and I heard through the grapevine about. One is just in heaven. The hurt you have endured is much greater than the temporary pain of childbirth. Things may not be going well, and I definitely am not okay, but I am blessed beyond measure and I will rejoice in the Lord reguardless of my circumstances. Another intimate question, I am Indian but before I was created I wanted to be another race (white). I have all of Heavens glory Sending you love xoxo. I think the most comforting thing that happened was when the following day, our pastor came and sat with us in our living room and cried with us. I pray you are encouraged today. I did feel like dying but I just keep on holding on to my fath. HOW do you name a child lost at 12-16 weeks? But it is also said that those unborn babies must have attained the age of 4 months Its so hard for me to face the day Dont you fret about me, Mother My first two months werent so good I was bleeding a little here and there so we all expected a miscarriage but shockingly that didnt happen my doctor was sure that everything was good. I think thats the hardest part for me. Thank you Sara, for acknowledging me and my baby son. We knew she was very sick, and might not make it from when I was six months pregnant. Praise God for the peace He has given you! So, off we went to the clinic. Better care than you could provide. a fictional character in jannah?? help Even if only for a few short weeks, that baby was ours to nurture! I did not want to be Indian or brown. Erin, is the sweet momma you mention named Stacey? and they do not wait for permission and do not care where they go in their And it is those who are the [rightly] guided. (2:156-157), The Messenger of Allah (sa) also said:When the child of a person dies, Allah says to His angels: You have taken the soul of the child of My slave? They say: Yes. He says: You have taken the apple of his eye? They say: Yes. He says: What did My slave say? They say: He praised You and said:Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon. And Allah says: Build for My slave a house in Paradise, and call it the house of praise.(Tirmidhi; reliable). Yes. Allah has promised that on the Day of Recompense, your child will return to you and not be at peace until he has secured your place in Jannah. I am so sorry for your loss. I felt like I could not breathe through those first few weeks, it was right before Christmas so I could not get into my OB until January. I lost our first at 9 weeks, though the baby passed away at 6 weeks. God doesnt just plop His love at our feet. My baby was about 3 months. Another friend, who is moving here as well, is due next month with her fifth. Id want to look away, yet my eyes were inexplicably drawn to friends bellies growing round with their developing children. I lost them. I agree Terra, I am to a mother of 4 not 2. Loved One through a Miscarriage Hurayrah, and classed as hasan by the commentators. Dear Mom whose baby was born into Heaven. Best you can do is always acknowledge the children we lost. He said: As for the children of You will probably have your next period in 4 to 6 weeks. such a horrible, lonely experience. Dear Mom whose baby was born into Heaven (via miscarriage or stillbirth). By the One in Whose Hand is my soul, the miscarried foetus will drag his mother by his umbilical cord to Paradise, if she (was patient and) sought reward (for her loss). Narrated by Ibn Majah, 1609; classed as daif by al-Nawawi in al-Khulasah I'm a wife, mom to 4, author, & homeschooling homemaker. parents he takes hold of his garment or his hand as I am taking told Thanks for posting this! It took me awhile to be able to talk about it, but I can now and Im so thankful that I have friends who will let me talk about it. Most women who have a miscarriage, however, go on to have a successful pregnancy the next time round. God bless! Once the gate is shut, it will remain shut. But isnt that what a cross is supposed to be? A friend of mine and I had babies less than a month apart. Around the man was the largest number If you feel a message or content violates these standards and would like to request its removal please submit the following information and our moderating team will respond shortly. Can you narrate to me any hadeeth from the I've spent the past decade+ creating a healthier home for my family. Let us know on those hard days, like birthdays, that you are thinking of us. At that very moment I was so angry and there was NO way she knew how I felt even if she lost one, because she could and did have children and I would never. I was cautiously optimistic, but a week later it was over. After her birth, I had nine miscarriages, nine babies that woke up with Jesus and not with me. And then I received the phone call. As Erin said she was probably speaking out of grief. Its interesting that you mentioned that about her wanting 10 kids. -Unless you are a very close friend or family member, written communication is often the best way to reach out to me, especially in the early days after the loss. I will always be here, watching you. (3 on earth and 3 in heaven) Babies #2 (7 weeks along), #5 (6 weeks along), & #6 (9 weeks along a subchorionic hemorrhage seems to be the reason for this miscarriage) are in heaven. I miss him so much he was my firstborn I am 30 yrs old.. I usually answer that she is our first BABY. 22/06/2022. I lost my little boy at 13 weeks.. I couldnt even look up, let alone talk about my story. I lost my first at 40 weeks, 2.5 years ago. And asking how i was doing was always the worst question because I always felt obligated to say Im doing ok or Im hanging in there or something somewhat positive so the person asking wouldnt feel bad, but all I really wanted to do was be honest and say that I was still feeling awful, depressed, confused, and alonethat even though I still loved the Lord, and had faith, that I was struggling with knowing I would never understandbut people dont want to hear thatso, if you dont want to hear that, and you dont want to force the person to lie for your benefit, I think its better not to ask. see the answer to question number . I lost my sweet little girl, Grace, in March. I think the best thing someone said to me was when my Dr was taking down information at my first appointment. This verse has brought me comfort: Please whitelist our site to get all the best deals and offers from our partners. Practical ways are good too! admit them to Paradise by Allahs mercy towards them: It was narrated that Abu Hassaan said: I said to Abu Hurayrah: Fiqh of Miscarried Fetus - SeekersGuidance a Dont be afraid to talk about the miscarriage and the baby. I just went through a miscarriage at 4 weeks 5 days on Saturday. My youngest niece lost her son Keaton 7 years when she was at 8 months due HEELP syndrome. But the Shepherd knows whats best. I ended up having a D-n-C as my bleeding still as happening 6 wks. We didnt get married until I was 31 and then we spent a lot of time building our home and careers and getting on with life. I lost my first baby when I was 22 weeks along. Which ability is most related to insanity: Wisdom, Charisma, Constitution, or Intelligence? There are no answers. I know I have four healthy babies that I am extremely grateful for. I wanted to shout, my babys dead and all you can do is casually converse? They took it away and I never saw it again. Adelyn just had her third birthday. Will children who die young go to Paradise or Hell? Im patently waiting and praying! Answer: Alaykum S alam, See Miscarriage Loss of a child at Living Islam. Erin, Id like to thank you for having the courage to follow what God put on your heart. I, too, lost a baby at an early time- 5 weeks. Jamie, thank you for sharing your story. My story is a bit different in that my husband and I spent most of our 30s not really feeling the call to have children. . Those parent are suffering through the unimaginable and it is such a bittersweet blessing that I can provide them with beautiful images of their precious babies. Congrats on baby #2!! If you dont know what to say, maybe just ask if you can give them a hug (if they are a friend) or what you can do for them (go to the grocery store for them, run an errand for them, etc.). I am asking the Father to comfort and guide me, but so far, all I feel is intense pain and sadness. After we lost him, we decided to name him. 07 Apr 2023 01:43:17 When I read this I was like wow I have finally found women who have gone through some really bad times just like I have. Indeed, we humans can only plan as well as possible, but Allah subnahu wa tala is the best planners. Everyones comments have brought me more peace knowing I am not alone in going through this. And although I do believe delivering a stillborn baby is a bit different from having a miscarriage I do think we are all united in grief and loss. This would be totally understandable after what you went through, and nothing to be ashamed of. I tell people, the best thing I can think of, is to say my babys name, and dont be afraid to talk about her, to ask me how Im doing (and honestly care), and to pray for me. The hardest thing for me was not being able to fix this for my kids. I was scared but so willing to trust him. You are strong. ones (daaamees) of Paradise. If the baby had been named, use the babys name. That way I can choose when/if/how I feel comfortable responding. Sorry for your loss mama. And not say things like, Maybe its better since you and your husband are having problems. The medical profession has been a Red Herring for life, thriving, wellness and wholeness for me and mine. =] But they saw that it was an ectopic pregnancy and tried to convince us to have an abortion. I am so,so sorry you have gone through this! I am so, so sorry. And I also experienced people making me feel like Im not a mother or my child was just a chemical pregnancy but thats just not true. I lost a son like you-cord was wrapped around his neck. Allah will never be wrong to give tests and trials to His servant. Partager. The best words Ive received have been from those who know this pain. I battled depression after the loss of my 6th child for over a year, and it was very hard for me, when the sun seemed to finally start shining again after 3 or 4 months, and then a friend would bring it upoffering condolences, and asking how Im doing, but it was just the last thing I wanted then. I hope that by reading this post, it reminds someone never to give up and to remember Allah Thats it. I had a healthy daughter, so when I got pregnant again 5 years later I didnt have any reason to think anything would go wrong. He thinks Im being silly. I went on to get pregnant 6 months later and had a healthy baby girl. There was nothing she could have done to prevent this loss. Note that once you confirm, this action cannot be undone. It was devastating. There is no known cause or cure when you get the diagnoses. Now, people casually joke about when I am going to have number 3 and the thought of losing another baby is all I think of that and the fact that it would be number 5 not 3. It is always there. But where was He when I was going through this? You decide what to do with all the baby junk that will rip your heart out when you see it after you get home. People often see our big family and say, do you have twins in there? I so badly want to say yes! I would have loved to have two. I absolutely love those photographs and having them lest me share him with the world. they die they are transferred to Paradise and that their souls are blessed Im sorry, dear Mama. I was so lonely that pregnancy and so scared. So, thank you for allowing me to safely vent. We work hard to share our most timely and active conversations with you. It take mouths of talking to anyone who would lesson. The worst was It wasnt even a baby yet. Remember, EVERYDAY we grow stronger and one day your story will help some other Mother through the fresh wound you are experiencing today. Will Allah grant me this? Share pictures of your little ones. That has brought me great peace. We have two healthy boys and I had one miscarriage between them. But they can honor my child by remembering that he existed. What risks are you taking when "signing in with Google"? With the way the loss of my son has affected me physically, theres no way anyone can call me strong, not if they really knew what was going on with me. We had the placenta examined and he was diagnosed with triploidy. Gummy BearI want to type out our little gummy bears story, because I typed up a birth story for my two earth-side children. Helping other bereaved mothers. What is the situation in the grave of a child who died before adolescence? It was only the beginning of a whole new world; one that I had never counted on. She has a bouncy baby now named Chayse who is six weeks behind Luke. And as far as being a woman coping with this loss, just remember that we arent supposed to understand everything The Lord does. Talk about it, acknowledge their baby, dont be weird if they talk about it. How can someone who hasnt been there relate? I had become very healthy physically and ate all the right foods, even juicing my own wheat grass and making lots of healthy meals and snacks. Honestly, without God I probably would have lost my sanity. Praise God for your daughters! I wont get to wake up in the middle of the night to feed him and hear him giggle. and would like to say my baby Carley is going to be 6 on March 7th. Their voice would be as sweet as it was of Dawud (AS). The main reason I decided to do things on my own was that I knew in a hospital setting I would most likely not be able to see my baby and I felt I needed to for closure. WebThere is a hadith about a man asking about farming in jannah: The people of Jannah can ask for whatever they want. Both when its supposed to be past the time of worrying about miscarriage. She should have been leery when she felt not one bit queasy. Webwhat does van helsing say in latin. I dont know your situation, but according to the rules of Jannah, the enemy of yours will be your friend in Jannah. 2. Log in, Join our e-mail list for regular site news and updates, All Rights Reserved for Islam Q&A 1997-2023, My wife was pregnant with twins and on the day the babies were due, her waters broke, so she went to the doctor who told her that one of the twins had died shortly before because he had drunk some of the water in which he was swimming in the uterus. Comments that have really hit me as hurtful are things like something was probably wrong with it, at least you werent further along, you already have four children, it happened in May, you need to move on, you can always try again, etc. My husband and I are so proud to be parents of baby Peter who is up there praising Jesus the way only someone in heaven can. I always said I wanted three and lately Ive really want to try for another one but my husband isnt on board. My heart breaks for anyone who has ever been through the loss of a child. Dont ever expect us to get over it. Dear Mom whose baby was born into Heaven, I dont know why. Sorry to all the other mommies who have babies in heaven now too. A mother does not love her baby only at first sight; she loves her baby even before she has seen it! That is when I know that Eddie was hurting for are lost to in the past and he was not a cold heart man. I am so sorry for your loss, Wes! I would had died. Stack Exchange network consists of 181 Q&A communities including Stack Overflow, the largest, most trusted online community for developers to learn, share their knowledge, and build their careers. I am so, so very sorry for your lossand for the lack of understanding from even those most closest to you. Group Black's collective includes Essence, The Shade Room and Naturally Curly. Using links to these sites means I may earn a percentage of the purchase at no extra cost to you. We saw him on ultrasound just hours before he passed. I agree with acknowledging that the baby was there. A missed miscarriagesometimes called a silent or delayed miscarriage, or early embryonic demiseoccurs when the embryo has died or failed to develop, but the body has not miscarried. A mother does not love her baby only at first sight; she loves her baby even before she has seen it! We had a small funeral for her and there is no way to explain the sight of seeing that tiny little pink coffin. Please select a reason for escalating this post to the WTE moderators: Connect with our community members by starting a discussion. Id never gone through this before, nor did I know that my friends had gone through it too. Dont worry about making the momma cry, she is going to cry anyway. Believe it or not theres much more to it. Maybe once and that is it. Even now, with a beautiful biological baby, it is hard to answer the question is she your first?. Just trying to figure out who I am now that Im broken and wounded by the One Who is supposed to comfort and heal me. He gives, He takes. I am praying healing and wholeness and peace for you right now. Even after it was all over and I was handed my sons lifeless body to hold, I was sure God would bring him back. He said sweet heart your numbers are to high. To those who have experienced loss, rest in the words of Psalm 63: Because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of Your wings. I held him and loved him and it was so healing. But we do talk to them in heaven and ask for their intercession, ask them to help us be good so we can get to them and tell them we miss them. Comfort them when they admit to that fear. I lost my daughter at 38 weeks in sept 2013. I cant tell you how much the SANDS (stillbirth and neonatal death society) group offered by another hospital helped me get through those first tough months. I still dont understand why but nevertheless not my will but GODs will. Its been 3 months and 3 days since we lost our first. I realize that God must have had a plan for our child that did not involve being with us on this earth. It means when your child goes to kindergarten, were remembering our children who should be there and arent; when your child makes his first soccer goal, were thinking of little feet that never had the chance to run; when your child finishes high school, were wondering what our lost little one would have become; when your child marries, has babies, and flourishes, we think with a pang of one long gone who shouldnt be gone. Still dont know why it had to happen, but I see Gods blessings through it all. No one ever really mnetioned my first baby, I guess it was normal in those days. I lost my sweet daughter on her due date and have had three other pregnancy losses in both the first and second trimesters. You came to her memorial service! One of the greatest pains a human being can experience is losing someone they love. My son and my daughter in law just lost their first 2 days ago.stillborn.people keep saying dumb things. The awkwardness that comes with mentioning my first daughter wasnt worth it at the time. Even if theyve never held there baby or got to hold their child lifeless in their arms, that woman became a mother the moment she heard the news I do wish people in my life would have acknowledged them as individuals and not a situation. Its perfect for him bc thats exactly what he was. I have two friends who lost their first child, one at 7 months gestation and another 14 days after birth and I can see how it was absolutely devastating to them. The day before my appointment, in the early hours of September 11, 2011 I woke up in the worst pain. You simply cannot get through it alone. We eventually told several friends and family and I am so thankful that we never experienced any negative comments. Let me talk about him openly, even it makes you feel uncomfortable. For anyone who has had this experience I am truly sorry and pray for all of your hurt and sadness. I mean, I can never know for sure. It makes it so much easier to talk about them if they have a name. My husband was great and, with the exception of my best friend, I never revealed I had a miscarriage. When I miscarried her, my friends emailed and called me to see how I was doing for about 3 months afterwards. I hate how taboo the subject of miscarriage is. I have a dear friend who just experienced a still-birthand her baby was full-term. Great post, enjoyed reading it. I lots Jenni at 19 weeks, Hannah at 16 weeks and Austin (our first son out of 5 pregnancies at almost 17 weeks. Sometimes, though, I get to thinking or reading or talking with a FB mom, and cover this ground again. My friend who had her baby the day I lost mine. Again, I am so sorry for your loss. and ended up with the cord wrapped twice around her neck. places there. hubby was busy with his family and I was crying and crying trying not to be heard. I send sincere sympathies to everyone who is dealing with this. After some time and hearing the other stories, I knew that there were others that knew EXACTLY what I was experiencing. Hes not perfect but his mama raised him right. My son and daughter in law recently miscarried my first grandchild 6 weeks ago when their first child was 3 months old. Better embrace than yours. I am so sorry for your loss :( Sending up a prayer for you now. What a special way to honor your Oliver! Hearing and seeing the pain from these women showed me how far I have progressed in my healing. I also cant stand when friends announce pregnancies, send baby shower announcements, or invite me to their childs overly elaborate birthday. Beautiful. I have 4 children, the youngest (12 wks) was born into heaven. We will be together again one day. Web235 likes, 20 comments - Carin Rockind, PurposeGirl (@carinrockind) on Instagram: "I yearned for this moment. Two healthy girls later, I have healed the aching wounds, but there are times that I remember those babies, and my heart yearns to know them. I cant sit and dwell on the what if and if only bc my Luke was meant to be born into heaven. From that point I was very cautious telling people about my pregnancies. Its still hard but it was apart of GODs perfect will and I draw my strength from that. I had 3 babies that were born into Heaven and I have a 7 year old son here with my husband and me. Its gotten easier over time. A woman who suffered a miscarriage has been fined by the NHS for claiming a free prescription during her pregnancy. If only we had started sooner. Let us talk about our baby when we feel we need to. pets go to jannah according to Islam They all meant so much. I would read one paragraph over and over again because I could not focus on the words I was reading and would forget what I had just read by the time I was done with the paragraph. And to this day it still is. Then mama, you have had a loss, and I am so sorry for your pain. Remember, itll be normal to feel very emotional and upset at this time. I am so sorry for your loss. I really feel no compassion and very lonely. It was hard and it sucked but I have friends who have lost babies so our kids are playing together in paradise. Even the Prophets son Ibrahim passed away in infancy, and though he wept at his death, he said: The eye weeps and the heart grieves, but we say only what our Lord is pleased with.